I’ve been thinking about writing this post since my last mental health update which was back in February. In that post, I had been to see the Occupational Therapist and was returning to work. I had been advised to do a phased return into work, starting with shorter hours and increasing them over a period of weeks until I was back working full time. It was also agreed that I would have regular meetings with my line manager just to make sure everything was ok.
I’m now back in work full time and have been working 37.5 hours a week since 8th April. My phased return went well and it was surprising how quickly I adapted to being back in work which had been one of my main worries. My work colleagues have been ok, though I am finding that some of them seem to be acting a bit differently to me. Whether this is just how I am perceiving things or not, I’m not sure. I also have not had any meetings with my line manager about how I am getting on which is a bit disappointing. I know that I could always approach my manager but in all honesty, it makes me feel a bit awkward. Not only am I doing ok but I also feel like, as it was something that was suggested by my manager then really they should be checking up with me.
I’m still on my medication, it was agreed with the Dr to increase my Sertraline from 100mg to 150mg and that dosage seems to be the one that is working best for me. I am sleeping a lot better in the night’s now, though I am still not getting a proper full night of rest. I am still feeling anxiety and stress but it is a lot easier to cope with now. I have been making sure to utilise some of the things I have learned in mindfulness courses on a day to day basis.
I am also eating a lot better and generally taking better care of myself. I have times when I need to be alone just to recharge my energy but those times seem to be moments when I take time out to do things I love to do, blogging, reading, thinking…
I have started to expand my hobbies and have started to work in my garden. I have ideas to turn it into a really lovely space over the next few months. I don’t really know where this love of gardening has come from but I do know that it is never something I even imagined that I would like let alone enjoy.
I have learned to listen to my body more, and have realised that it is ok to have off days where plans remain unchecked, that it is ok to take a nap in the afternoon and that it is ok to say no when I need to. I know that these are small steps but they are all helping me on my journey to wellness.
Whether I will be able to reduce my medication or to ever not have anxiety, stress or depression is something that only time will be able to reveal, but for the moment I feel like I am doing ok, and doing ok is fine by me.