WEEKLY ROUNDUP MONDAY 24TH NOV – SUNDAY 30TH NOVEMBER

6th Dec 20255th Dec 2025 | Suzi Tench

I used to love writing these kinds of posts and sharing what I had done in my week, and it’s something I’m keen on re-starting. At the moment, I can’t add any photos to my posts, I have used my allocated media space and need to upgrade my plan, but I will be adding photos to my blog Instagram so you can view them there for the time being! I am planning on writing these posts and publishing them on a Saturday morning. The Weekly Roundup posts will cover the week previous to the one we are currently in and will be dated in the heading with the week that they cover (as above), so they will be easy to track and spot!

MONDAY 24TH NOVEMBER

I had the day off from work today and spent some of the day making hair braids with red, white and green kankelon hair for my boyfriend to wear to his work’s Christmas party. I made some 3-strand plaits, some twists and a couple of fish tail braids, connecting them to mini hair claws so they would be easy to put in and take out. We had been shopping for food a few days previously and had picked up some frozen Salmon Risotto, which we had for tea.

TUESDAY 25TH NOVEMBER

I had work between 6pm and 10pm, but during the day, I managed to write a blog post and publish it (you can read that here). I also started working on a blog plan for posts that I want to write for the rest of 2025 and 2026. Work had some lovely Christmassy plants in, and I came home with 2 sets of hyacinths in sparkly pots to display in the house.

WEDNESDAY 26TH NOVEMBER

I had a shift at work from 12pm – 4pm. I was awake early and did some housework – laundry, putting the bins and recycling out for collection and cleaned the kitchen. I spent some more time on Excel (my go-to software for planning), working out a blog schedule. While at work, I realised that one of the feathers from my Pandora charm had disappeared, so I need to look into getting that fixed or replaced at some point.

THURSDAY 27TH NOVEMBER

I had a day off today, and my best friends and I had arranged to meet for a late lunch and a few drinks. I had a bit of a panic as I didn’t know what to wear, the weather was cold and rainy, and half the clothes I used to wear don’t fit anymore as I’ve lost so much weight. I finally decided on a dress that I layered over a black mesh top and black vest top, tights, boots and my trusty fake fur coat. I did my makeup and got a bus (a single ticket was bloody expensive!) to our meeting point earlier than planned. We went to Wetherspoons, where I had a pint of Atlantic Pale Ale and Scampi and Chips. We sat and chatted and had a lush time. I’d made an application to change my surname via deed poll, and the certificate had come earlier in the week, so I took that with me, and my besties signed it as my witnesses! My boyfriend came to pick me up later and dropped my friend home.

FRIDAY 28TH NOVEMBER

I had a shift between 4:45pm and 10pm. I was up early and spent some time doing some cleaning and tidying. I had sardines on toast with some parmesan cheese for breakfast – something which I love but don’t have very regularly! I also wrote and published another blog post (you can have a read of that here). I spent some time planning more decorating and looking at house decorating stuff online before getting myself ready for work. My boyfriend cooked us food for when my shift was over, we had Quorn Chicken Nuggets, beans and chips, which were yum! We got down some of my Christmas decorations and had a look through them to see what we could use and sorted through them.

SATURDAY 29TH NOVEMBER

I’ve been wanting a proper, real Christmas tree for the past few Christmasses, but, for one reason or another, I’ve never been able to have one, not to mention that for years I’ve not really felt very festive. This year, though, I’m finding that the festive spirit is seeping back into my life and I’m getting really excited about Christmas this year! Before I started work (6pm – 10pm shift), my boyfriend and I headed to the local B&M and bought a real Christmas tree!! We got some new decorations to go on it, too! When I got home from work we put some Christmas music on, poured ourselves a good glug of Dooleys and set about decorating the tree! We were up until gone 3am, having too much fun decorating the tree and chatting.

SUNDAY 30TH NOVEMBER

Sunday was a bit of a chill day; I had seen an ornament on Facebook that was similar (or maybe even the same) as one my Grandma used to have, being advertised for sale in the local tip shop (a shop near the tip that people can donate items to that are too good to be thrown away). I showed my boyfriend, and we decided to visit the shop to see if it was still for sale. Unfortunately, the item wasn’t there anymore, but we had a look at other items they had in the shop. We then visited the tip and got rid of my old, fake Christmas tree, which was falling apart and had gone rusty. When we came home, I made us fried cheese toasties, which we had with salad for our lunch. We decided to have a roast dinner later and prepared all the bits for that. We have been doing some scrapbooking and ordered some photos for our scrapbook pages from Free Snaps, so we can make some more pages for our memory book when they arrive!

Routine or Ritual? My Morning

5th Dec 2025 | Suzi Tench

Routines are really important for me. As an autistic, I have to have routines implemented into my day, otherwise I forget to do certain things (like drinking or eating). I have routines for weekly events too, such as watering my plants or putting the bins out. I even have a routine for how I get dressed (from the bottom up – socks first!). To me, these are pretty mundane and ordinary and done without much thought or have any kind of real effect on my feelings or thoughts; they are just things I do that help me in my day-to-day living.

Rituals, on the other hand, have a bit more thought and feeling connected to them, are a bit more magical and spiritual. I like to view my morning process as a ritual as it has a stronger effect on my feelings, thoughts and levels of productivity, and each part of it feels meaningful.

I love my mornings now; previously, when the ex-husband was living with me, there was no space or calmness for any kind of routine. Everything was too loud – the noise from the TV and radio, the chaos and untidiness of the house and it was impossible to function or even form thoughts properly. My mornings now are a hella lot different.

I begin my morning by getting up, normally any time between 6am and 8am. I stay in my pyjamas, brush my teeth, come downstairs, let Roxy out for her morning wee, and, while she is busy, I fill the kettle or prepare the coffee machine and prepare mugs for my boyfriend (yep, I have a boyfriend – more on that soon!) and myself.

We sit and have our coffee and a cigarette without the TV or radio on, just in quiet calmness. I often use this morning coffee as a Mindfulness Exercise. We talk about what plans we have for the day and how we slept, our feelings and thoughts, among other things. If it’s a weekday, my boyfriend heads off to work, and if I have an early shift, then I get myself ready for work. If I have a later shift or a day off, then I head to the kitchen.

I check Roxy’s food and water levels, empty the dishwasher and put the dishes away. I reload it with any plates, glasses or mugs that need to be done, I hand-wash any items that have been left over from the evening before (ones that don’t fit into the dishwasher) and wipe down the kitchen units and tidy as I go. This little bit of my morning helps me to feel like I have accomplished something on my list, and makes me feel positive and productive. I like having a clear kitchen, and having this little routine built into my daily ritual feels like I’m clearing away the previous day and greeting the new day.

I put the kettle on and make another coffee, sit on the sofa and have a cuddle with Roxy. I play a game on my phone, mostly puzzle games such as Killer Sudoku, Tap Gallery, or Scavenger Hunt. Puzzle games seem to help my mind wake up and start working properly, and I feel more awake and “with it” so they are really important for my mornings.

After I have done this, I feel like I can start my day. I’m awake and calm, feeling positive, my mind is clear, and I can then do all the things I need to.

How do you like to start your day? Is there anything that you would like to include more in your morning ritual?

Reclaiming My Space

28th Nov 2025 | Suzi Tench

My home hasn’t really felt like my own in such a long time. Not since my ex-husband moved in, and certainly not after he moved his “friends” in after they lost their house. (See this post for more on that). When my ex-husband moved in with me, he arrived with so much stuff…tools, dart boards, furniture, clothes, the list goes on. And while I was prepared to compromise and make space for his stuff, I wasn’t expecting all the clutter and mess that came with it. To say he was untidy is an understatement. My things got reduced and moved, and before I knew it, there was hardly any of me left in my house. And to make matters worse, I could hardly move for his crap taking over every available space.

When his “friends” moved in, they brought their own baggage, and it seemed that, day by day, while I was at work, they were adding more and more of their things to my home. They bought a MASSIVE pouffe/storage thing into my home, packed it with a load of their crap (which never got looked at), and it was sooo heavy that I couldn’t move it. That thing was plonked, unceremoniously, in the middle of my living area and was in the way every damn day. That was frustrating enough. Then I found that they had bought up most of their kitchen stuff too, plates, cutlery, saucepans, all the fucking kitchen gadgets known to man, glasses, mugs, all sorts of crap. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t own plates or anything. They shoved all my things to the back of cupboards and drawers and dumped their stuff in front of and on top of all the worktops, even using the oven as extra storage space. The most absurd thing was the collection of packets of herbs and spices and sauces, the ones you get from Hello Fresh when you order meals through them…soooo many unopened, out-of-date packets that were kept in a huge basket and shoved on top of the wall cupboards and never used. Space was so tight in the kitchen that I couldn’t even prepare myself cheese on toast for breakfast due to a lack of countertop space and the oven being used as an extra cupboard. On top of that, opening the cutlery draw proved difficult as it was RAMMED full of 174 different knives, forks and spoons, (not counting mine) and when you opened the drawer they would catch, well, my ones would and i discovered that they were getting bent up and misshapen too as no one seemed to be able to open the drawers carefully.

If that wasn’t bad enough, my Dysons (I had 2 that my parents had given me) disappeared. I couldn’t clean or tidy properly (too much clutter and no space, hardly any of it belonging to me), I couldn’t get to my shelving units to dust, and if I could, there was no space to take my things off and put them safely whilst I dusted. I couldn’t mop because there was no visible floor to manoeuvre the mop around effectively.

I’m ashamed to say that after they (his “friends”) left after 7 months, things didn’t get much better in terms of cleanliness. By that point, my mental health was spiralling pretty badly, I didn’t have the energy to do much other than exist, and most things just didn’t get done. My “husband” didn’t care enough to help out, not that he ever had. He always saw cleaning and household tasks as “Pink Jobs” so just left it to me to get on with everything, and if I didn’t do it, then he wouldn’t either. To make matters worse, he wouldn’t ever tidy up his own belongings, and the house was littered with tools and other heavy/bulky items of his that were hard to move, so that made cleaning just as difficult as when his “friends” were staying. I had nowhere to put his stuff in the house, though there were sheds and an outhouse, not to mention a summerhouse where they could live. If I dared to move things, then I’d have an earful about how he couldn’t find anything and how it was my fault. Asking him to put his things away was just as bad and I’d have excuse after excuse ranging from “I’ll do it later”, “I need them out because I’m going to use them later” (which NEVER happened), or “I can’t put them in the shed/summerhouse/outside because they might get stolen”. I gave up and just lived with it.

Once he was out of the house and I got the keys back, I started moving and packing up all his things. My house started to feel brighter and fresher. The air quality changed, and the atmosphere just felt so different, more positive, freer, lighter. I was able to see the floors again. My friend bought me a Hetty Hoover. I was able to hoover the carpets and floors, the skirting boards, under the sofa, and all those little places dust and dirt like to hide. I mopped the floors using washing-up liquid, then bleach, then more washing-up liquid, then disinfectant. It took nearly 30 buckets of soap and water to get the grime up and the water to rinse away run clear.

I got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen and hallway linoleum with a brush, which was stained, grimy, and grey-looking. It now looks bright and fresh, and the white within the pattern is now visible again! I then went to town on the bathroom, bleaching and scrubbing everything to within an inch of its life. There is textured, anti-slip flooring in the bathroom, and I again scrubbed that clean. I took the seat off the toilet and soaked and scrubbed that in the bath.

I dismantled shitty, broken furniture that had taken up so much space in the bedroom. Gone now are a massive wardrobe, 2 sets of drawers, the massive, stupidly oversized super king bed he had insisted on that was waaayyyyy too big for the room and was stained with his sick. Every single inch of the carpet was hoovered, the windows cleaned, the window sills dusted and wiped. I replaced the broken furniture with a new Kallax Unit, which I made from a flat pack myself. I reinstated my dressing table and mirror back into the room, removed the old (broken) TV from the wall, and removed shelves from the built-in wardrobes, turning that space into another hanging space for clothing.

I started to redecorate. I had been wanting to redecorate downstairs for years and had chosen the wallpaper and the paint colours that I wanted. He had promised me that he would help decorate, but it never came to fruition; the paper and paint remained in the shop, and no decorating was ever done. As much as I liked the wallpaper and colours I had chosen, I decided not to go with that – too many bad memories of asking and asking and wanting and never getting it done, it felt weird and tainted. I came up with new ideas and colour schemes. I decided on a new wallpaper (this one from B&Q/I Love Wallpaper) and a white, lime green and black colour scheme. I spent weeks and weeks slowly decorating, and the room is nearly finished!(I can’t wait to share some photos in another blog post!).

My next plan is to re-decorate the dining area, again, going with a white, lime green and black scheme with the same wallpaper. The rooms are knocked through and separated by an archway, so it makes sense to decorate with the same theme. After that, I will be removing the carpets. I only have carpet going up the stairs, along the landing and in the bedrooms. Though they are clean, there are soo many stains on them, and they are looking worn and tired. The bedroom and landing carpets have been installed over the laminate, which, I think, is making the carpets smell funny as the airflow is blocked. I’ll be removing the laminate too, seeing what the original floors are like and hopefully, be able to sand and varnish that. Then I’ll be starting to redecorate the bedrooms! I have some ideas and will be sharing these in a blog post coming soon!

A Crazy Few Years

25th Nov 2025 | Suzi Tench

It doesn’t seem that long ago since I last posted, but, upon looking, my last post to this blog was way back in 2022 with my piece on Autism Awareness Month. While I had wanted to continue to blog, things were going on in my personal life that made it hard to even think about writing, but now, I feel that I am in a better headspace, and I’d like to start writing again. I feel strong enough to start sharing things and bringing this blog back to life and I am going to start with what has been going on over the past few years.

2022 – The Year I Got To Try My Dream Job

I was still working for the NHS in 2022 as part of the payments team when I was offered a secondment on the Communications Team for 6 months. I seized this opportunity, and in September 2022, I transitioned to Comms, starting my secondment there as a Communications Officer. The team dynamics were completely different from my old team; we felt like a cohesive unit and were fully supported in our projects. We had weekly team meetings, talking about our projects, things we had learned and any hurdles we had faced. The job was varied, with projects being undertaken that involved learning Powtoon, an animation based software, photography work, creating newsletters, organising award ceremonies – from creating the awards brochures, liasing with companies to produce the awards (and collecting them!), photographing and videoing the ceremonies and producing the post awards brochure, setting up exhibitions, working with other departments and healthboards to produce work, updating websites and creating new, more interactive and interesting information, fact sheets and so many other things in between! I had so much fun in that role; no day was the same, and while we mostly worked from home, I never felt that I was on my own. The team managed to create an environment where conversation was encouraged, and my team mates were always available on Teams, whether it was just for a chat or to support or seek advice from. I wish this role could have continued, as I felt like I had found my perfect job role where my creativity was encouraged and my skills were all used instead of sitting stagnant.

Not much else happened in 2022, basically all that I seem to have done is eat, sleep and worked for most of it.

2023 – Everything Starts To Change

The start of 2023 saw the end of my secondment, and in February, I returned to my Payments Team desk job. However, returning wasn’t easy; there were already unaddressed issues from prior to my secondment starting that I knew I had to return and face, which, having generalised anxiety already, made the symptoms even worse. There were issues in the team, a new team leader and a weird vibe of unease seemed to hang in the air. My panic attacks returned, and along with those came a new symptom of fainting. By April, I had been signed off from work with work-related stress. I just couldn’t cope with the atmosphere, the unrealistic expectations put on me, the lack of support, and the attitude of the new team leader (who was pretty aggressive and had a really bad attitude). I was away from work for a good few months and decided, in that time, that I couldn’t realistically stay in Payments, so I started to apply for other roles elsewhere. I applied for, and got invited to, so many Communications jobs, but failed to get hired due to not having any “formal” qualifications in the field, despite having a portfolio of work, having been working as a Communications Officer for 6 months and being able to prove my skills. That was pretty disappointing, and my confidence was shaken.

I returned to Payments after a few months and continued to apply for other jobs around the area, and by December, I had secured employment with an optician in the next town over from where I live. I handed in my notice to the NHS, but quit 2 days before my notice period was up. I started my new role the following week.

Working in the opticians was completely different to my Payments job. It involved face-to-face interaction with patients, welcoming them on arrival, booking their appointments, answering queries, helping them choose glasses, fitting their glasses upon collection, fixing glasses and learning how to do pre-checks and OCT Scans. The job was fun and varied, and each day seemed to pass by in a blur of activity though I was starting to feel stressed in such a busy environment. But by 2024 things were set to change again.

2024 – More Change Ahead

The start of 2024 was already off to a rocky start when my “husband’s*” friends moved in with us. It turns out that the wife had not been paying the mortgage on their house and had been hiding a ton of financial shit from her husband. The repo men turned up and kicked them out of the house, and they had nowhere to stay. My “husband*” and I offered to put them up for a short period of time. That time turned into over 7 months, and along with that came a ton of drama and chaos and the yappiest dog known to man. (* he’s not my husband anymore, read on to find out more!)

I was still working in the opticians and trying to cope with my stress and anxiety due to still learning the job role and being in a high-pressure environment. There was even more stress and anxiety brewing in my personal life, which was starting to affect me. The “friends” that were staying seemed to be cramming more and more of their possessions into my home, taking over every available space, being around all the time, making so much noise, breaking my things and generally just outstaying their welcome. There seemed to be no sign of them leaving, and every conversation with my “husband” turned into some kind of argument where I was made to feel that I was in the wrong.

Again, I ended up being signed off from work with stress and anxiety, which is no surprise, really, due to the circumstances of things I was going through.

By mid-July, I had had enough of the outstayers and made it clear that I wanted them gone and my house back. Funnily enough, after 7 months and not seeing them make any progress towards finding somewhere to go, they miraculously found a house the following day and were packing and gone within the day.

I knew, due to my mental health, that I couldn’t go back to my optician role, and after discussions with the doctor about my mental health and recovery, I was told that I shouldn’t be working full-time, as my stress and anxiety would continue to get worse over time. I quit my optician’s role in October. With it came some relief, but my anxiety and stress were still there. BUT, I had already been thinking about other work I could do while I had been away from work.

I had researched and written a business plan, looked into business loans and secured myself a place on a training course. I applied for, and was accepted for a business loan, and in December I travelled to Barnstaple to begin training to become a loctician! I had training with Jon from Threadloxx and learned so much, and by the end of November, I was able to open my own business creating and installing dreadlocks, carrying out maintenance on dreadlocks and offering services including the creation and installation of temporary/braid-in dreadlocks.

2025 – Escape And Rediscovery

January arrived, and by this point, things had started to escalate pretty badly with “husband”. We were barely on speaking terms, and much of the time that conversations were going on, they ended with him screaming and shouting at me. There were several times that I left my house in the middle of the night and went to stay with friends. I felt unsafe and threatened in my own home. I asked him to leave, but he wouldn’t. I wasn’t sleeping in the same bed as him, preferring to sleep on the sofa. I kept quiet, walking on eggshells, my anxiety working overtime. I felt like I was constantly in fight or flight mode. There was an incident in January which pushed me to make a decision regarding my relationship. (Currently, I don’t want to share too many details about this, but I’m sure that, in the future, I will). I knew I had to make a plan and that leaving was the only option.

While I was busy thinking and trying to come up with a plan, I was still pushing my business, I had 2 clients book in for permanent dreadlock installation and a return client for maintenance.

I had also started a part-time job in a local grocery store just before Christmas that I was enjoying. The job gave me a break from my thoughts and plans, gave me space to start to rediscover myself, regaining confidence that had been lost and helped me to become more sociable.

As part of my business, I wanted to attend festivals as a trader and offer dreadlock maintenance along with selling some items – incense, handmade jewellery, temporary/braid in dreadlocks, offering face painting and hair styling. In May, I took one of my besties to a small festival and set up a stall. We had so much fun, not only did I manage to sell a load of things I also had lots of visitors to my business page afterwards. And I had a break from everything going on at home with my relationship and my “husband”. Funnily enough, while I was away with my bestie, the husband didn’t bother to text or call me for the whole 3 days I was away.

May was also the start of my escape plan. I bought a van that was part converted to a camper, there was an issue with the oil pump that I thought would be fairly easy to fix (the engine should have been fine as it hadn’t been moved or turned over since the oil pump went) and my plan was to get it back on the road, put my stuff in it and go and live in a field on a friends farm for a bit. But, as always, even with the best laid plans come issues. Currently, the van is still sitting in the garage, the engine is totally buggered, and I need to acquire a new engine (and we are talking £6500 or more) or try and find somewhere that will recondition it for me. This shouldn’t be that hard to sort out aside from the garage that I have it currently at not getting back to me with quotes or anything and I feel like I’m constantly chasing them to find out what is going on with it. This scuppered my plans of leaving the “husband”.

By June, things were pretty unbearable. I was spending more and more time staying at friends’ houses, working, doing my own thing or spending time with friends than any time with the “husband”. While I hadn’t discussed any of the issues I was going through with my friends, they knew that something was wrong. I went on the run with a friend towards the end of June, staying in hotels, bunkhouses, a cottage and camping. I left my dog at home and literally had only a bag of clothes with me, though I still managed to go to work. And even though I was living in complete chaos, not knowing what was going to happen, thinking I’d lost my house to him and that I’d have nowhere to go, something inside me started to grow stronger. I started to take back control. It started with gaining access to my bank account that I had set up when I moved to my house in 2018. It may have been a small thing, but it revealed so much to me. And I got angry, really, really, blood-boilingly angry. How dare he take over my home and do all the things to me that he did? I phoned the housing association, explained the situation, the house was SOLELY in my name, and he had no authority to try and take over my house and for me to leave. He was basically a squatter. The police were involved, the locks were changed and CCTV was installed. I got the keys back on the 28th July 2025.

The house was in an absolute state when I let myself in. All my things had been boxed up. The house was filthy and stank. He had even emptied out my studio space and let his child and her husband redecorate it so they could move in too. The police said I should let him have some of his clothes that night, but I wasn’t supposed to let him into the property. I had a friend with me, and with her help, we bagged up some of his shit; he came and collected it from the doorstep. I’ve not seen or spoken to him since that day.

Over the next 8 weeks, with the help of another friend, we packed up all of his belongings and ferried them to a lock-up for him to collect it all from. The police had said he wasn’t allowed near the house or near me, and it was discussed with a third-party representative that this was the best option. During this time, I dismantled broken furniture, filled both my car and my friend’s car (numerous times) with rubbish and did so many tip runs. I have scrubbed and cleaned the house from top to bottom. The floor downstairs needed so many buckets of soapy water before it came clean. I hacked up a stinking old broken, uncomfortable sofa with a saw (really satisfying) and got that out of the house and sat on the floor for weeks. I have redecorated the living area, bought a new sofa, unpacked my things and am starting to live again. I got boxes down from the attic, ones that I didn’t even realise were up there, ones of my things that he had slowly packed away and placed there.

I’m still discovering things that he has done to me and have been hit financially (I can’t disclose much at the moment), and have been left with a huge amount of debt that I’m working to pay off, but I finally feel like I can breathe again. No longer do I feel like I am walking on eggshells; my sleep has improved, I’m eating better and have even rediscovered my love of cooking. My anxiety is still there, ticking away in the background, but it is bearable and no longer is the overriding feeling louder than anything else.

So, what now? Well, I am working on building my business back up. I’m hoping to get back into being a nail technician on a more permanent basis, as well as continuing with my loctician services. I had a hair client a week ago that booked in for maintenance, and I took on a nail client over the weekend, which was good. I’m going to focus on advertising and creating a website with all my services and prices listed, along with a booking function. I am going to build up my jewellery and other stock so I can attend some festivals as a trader in 2026. I am getting my van fixed and running (waiting on a call from the garage, spoke to them yesterday, and they have PROMISED to call me back with an engine recon quote today). I am looking into training to become a team leader in my part-time job. I have had some really good feedback from other colleagues, got awarded a badge for selling the most memberships and had a certificate for some feedback left by a customer too! I am planning on returning to blogging, and honestly, since mulling over whether to post this or not, I’ve had a few ideas for future posts and I have a ton of other things I want to share, including some of my house decorating, food I have made and places I’ve been as well!

Autism Awareness Month

19th Apr 20226th May 2022 | Suzi Tench

April is the month of Autism Awareness, a month which is used to spread the word about what autism is, what life is like for people with autism, learn about what the neurotypical, also referred to as NT’s, (people not on the spectrum) can do to help and support people who are neurodivergent.

While I am behind the whole premise of Autism Awareness Month, there are still things that have made me angry this month. One of these things is the amount of NT’s who still believe it is ok to flaunt the symbol of the puzzle piece to show autism acceptance and support, whether this be on t’shirts, jewellery, key chains or even nail art. I have seen so many posts on social media using this symbol as a show of support, and while the support is lovely, I can’t help wondering if some of this “support” is just lip service rather than true support in its fullest form.

The problem with the puzzle piece, for me, is the meaning behind the symbol itself first off. When we think of a puzzle piece we think of something that needs to be solved, a problem, something that can be fixed when put together in the correct way, a missing piece, something used for amusement, something confusing or perplexing. The connotations of the puzzle piece are degrading to people with autism. We are not missing a piece, we do not need to be studied, or solved and we, sure as heck, are not a problem that needs to be fixed. Many of these connotations lead us down the route that autism is something that can be fixed or cured which is really damaging to people with autism.

Add to the mix, a whole host of charities that use this symbol and have a belief system that we can be cured (you can find so many different articles on Google, just search autism puzzle piece offensive) which many NT’s think are helpful groups and it becomes even worse for us to get our authentic voices heard.

Seeing people on social media wearing clothing with the puzzle piece on, or even (in my case especially, going by groups I follow) people asking for nail art ideas incorporating this symbol for Autism Awareness month, and having it explained to them why this symbol does more harm than good to autistics, and after that, STILL going ahead and using the puzzle piece is even worse and has really made me wonder why we even have this month when people can still be so ignorant even when faced with the facts.

While we are on the subject of symbolism and meanings, I feel like I should speak about the “light it up blue for Autism” that is doing its rounds on social media. Light it up blue is a really outdated practice that enhances the stereotype that mainly males can present as autistic, and that just isn’t true. While it is true that males tend to be diagnosed with autism at a higher rate than females, though the female/male gap is steadily closing, the light it up blue campaign makes it harder as a female autistic to be heard and taken as seriously. Blue is typically used to represent the male gender and autism (back in the 1970’s) was seen as something typically male. Lighting it up blue only goes to reenforce this stereotypical view of autism being centred around males when just as many females have autism. The biggest problem with autism being viewed for so many years is that females were not being diagnosed as easily, many struggling with different aspects of life because of this and not being able to access the support, care and understanding that they should have had. This has led to many women, myself included, being plied with the wrong mediations, being treated for mental health and going about our day to day lives wondering why we are different. It’s only recently that it has been identified that women are better at masking and copying peers behaviour to fit in, which in itself can be damaging to the individual and is so exhausting, leading to burnout and a plethora of other symptoms.

Another thing that has riled me up agin and again, especially when NT’s find out that I am autistic is the comment that has been made to me so many times, “Everyone is a little bit autistic.”. And, honestly, it hurts to hear that, and so many times I have just shrugged it off and not bothered to correct people. In fact, I have stopped speaking about what difficulties I face day to day, and how I differ from others because I feel that, if someone wants to believe that then they will not really listen to me and just brush off my experiences, thoughts and feelings as something everyone deals with. I did read an analogy relating autism to pregnancy, when you do a pregnancy test the result is either pregnant or not pregnant, there is no “a bit pregnant” line, it is a definite you are or you aren’t. And while non pregnant people may have similar symptoms (like back pain, heartburn or tender breasts for example) these are not symptoms of being pregnant. Yes, everyone can have symptoms and sympathise with those things being experienced, but there is more going on in the background that are being dealt with, which as a whole make up the “being pregnant” symptoms, and it is the same with autism. Yes, you may get anxiety when needing to make a phone call, or do something but us autistics have other things we are dealing with that make us autistic. People are either autistic, or they are not.

Another comment I deal with is one that I think a lot of autistics have dealt with at one time or another, “But you don’t look autistic”. This one leaves me wanting to eyeroll so hard… what should autistics look like? Should we have a special dress code or hair colour, or should we have a special kind of body language, facial expression or greeting to use? I never know how to respond to this one, but recently I have started to think that maybe I should respond along the lines of “Yeah, well, you don’t look ignorant”… (if anyone has a way of addressing either of these – “Everyone is a bit autistic”, or “You don’t look autistic”, please let me know in the comments section.)

Another harmful thing that NT’s seem to believe is that being autistic means that the person is not clever, I have been spoken down to in voices that are used for children, over explained things to, and treated as if I am stupid. And I’ve even had comments along the lines of “but you have so many qualifications and even a degree!” or “but you have a full time job”, as if I shouldn’t be capable of, or clever enough to learn things or hold down a job. My brain is wired differently, I may approach things in a different way, or understand things differently, but this doesn’t mean I am incapable of these things.

So, what can you do to really get on board with Autism Awareness? Firstly, if you are one of those people who have used such phrases as “everyone is a bit autistic” or “you don’t look autistic”, please stop now, dig deep and try to work out why you use these phrases, and realise they are not compliments or helpful in any way, and could be doing more harm than good. I know, from my own experiences with such comments, that I shut down talking about autism, and it leaves me feeling like my feelings and thoughts are invalid.

Secondly, learn about the meaning behind the puzzle piece, seriously, do your research before jumping onboard with something that has so many negative connotations. If you do still choose to use the puzzle piece to represent autism then have your arguments ready, if you have sound reasons for using it then that is fine by me.

Start listening to the autistic community rather than those that are of the neurotypical community who cannot really speak for the autistic community. Start talking to those who are autistic and really listening to them.

Think about your behaviour towards those with autism, instead of treating them differently, learn what makes hem different and learn about what strengths they have rather than just seeing weaknesses.

Learn that we are not something to be cured, and that we don’t want to be cured. My autism is part of me, and like everyone else, I have my own strengths and weaknesses whether they are caused by my autism or not.

Learn to make reasonable adjustments, some things that cause me issues are too much noise, flashing lights and interruptions to what I am doing. I find it hard to think or get distracted by loud noises and lights, and interruptions can make it hard for me to return to what I was doing before that.

Learn about the different autism charities/communities. Autism Speaks (one of the main charities behind the #lightitblue campaign) goal is to end autism. They spends a chunk of its money in investigative work to cure autism and offers women who are pregnant a test to see if their unborn baby has autism and much of the publications released by this charity have a negative effect on autism.

Treat us like human beings, with respect and kindness, and realise we are all individuals with a different set of needs. While we are on the spectrum, stay away form labels such as “high/low functioning”. We all present with a different set of unique traits, as different as one finger print to another. I don’t class myself as high functioning or low functioning. I am on a sliding scale, some days I can be confident, make eye contact, go out and spend time with people, meet new people and be social. Other days I can barely make eye contact, and choose not to say too much to anyone. Some days I can make phone calls and make small talk and there are other days where I will avoid all social contact. There are days when I am able to go to the shops and days where it seems like too big a task. And when I do these things for too long, or have days that are busy and full on, or days where I experience too much, I need my own time, withdrawing from the world, just to recover and get my energy back. It doesn’t mean I am incapable and shouldn’t do these things if they make me feel like that, I prefer to see it as an athlete that works out and needs their rest days so on the days they are training they are running at their optimum and giving the best they have.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I love being asked about autism and what it means to me, but take your time to really listen and to learn from my answers and other autistic voices. I think that is what anyone ever truly wants in life.

Our Wedding (In Pictures)

6th Apr 20226th Apr 2022 | Suzi Tench

Wedding Fun Facts

Our bridesmaid is also my step-daughter
Best Man is married to our (f) witness
Many of our photos were taken by the daughter of our Best Man and Witness
I wanted a black Cadillac as one of my all time favourite songs is Time Bomb by Rancid
Both of my brothers are younger than me!
I’ve known my Maid of Honour for around 17 years
I’ve known my husband since starting secondary school, his sister and I were best friends
There are ducks on our cake because I love and collect toy ducks

Relation Status Level Up – from Miss to Mrs

28th Feb 202228th Mar 2023 | Suzi Tench

The biggest thing that happened in 2021 was that I got married! You may remember me mentioning that I had a new boyfriend back in 2020 (see the post here). Since 2020 Rob has moved in with me, we got engaged in February 2021 and then got married on 3rd August 2021!

We got married during lock down, in some ways it was stressful planning the day when all the rules kept changing, especially regarding how many people we could invite, whether we had to wear face masks or not and whether we could have a wedding reception.

We decided on a small wedding, partly due to the ever changing COVID rules but also as we wanted something small and intimate. We had already decided that we didn’t want a wedding that we would be paying off way into the future and, to help us stay within budget, we kept the guest list small.

Here’s some photos and details of our wedding

Where – Our Local Registry Office

When – 03/08/2021 at 11:30am

Guests/Roles

Mother of the Bride – Linda
Father of the Bride – Brian
Maid of Honour – Jesamine (my best friend)
Bridesmaid – Charlotte (Rob’s daughter)
Flower Girl – Ellie (my niece)
Page Boy – James (my nephew)
Best Man – Terry (Rob’s best friend)
Witnesses – Vicky (Terry’s wife), Ben (my brother)
Reader – Richard (my brother)
Photos – Tiffany – Terry and Vickys daughter
Guests – Egle (my sister in law, wife of Ben, mum to James and Ellie), Jordan (Charlotte’s boyfriend)

I walked down the aisle to Lonestar – Amazed and we had Neil Diamond – Hello My Friend playing while we signed the register. Our song that we chose to walk out to was Kiss – I Was Made For Loving You.

After the ceremony we all headed to a local pub for food and drinks.

2021…The Highlights

27th Jan 202227th Jan 2022 | Suzi Tench

As I sit here with both feet now firmly planted in 2022, and the first month of the year nearly coming to an end I’m feeling the way I normally do at this time of the new year, where I think and reflect upon the year that has been before I start looking toward what this new year will bring (and so far 2022 is shaping up to be a fairly interesting one so far, but I’ll save that for another post!).

2021 was an eventful year for me, more in a personal capacity than any other way. Here are the biggest highlights of my 2021

2021…the year I turned 40. When I was a kid I thought that 40 was such an old age, but in all honesty its really not that bad. I turned 40 in October and had a small get together with a few close friends and my partner. I had an 80’s themed evening where we all dressed in 80s themed outfits, danced to 80’s music and had a few drinks. It was a brilliant way to leave my 30’s behind and welcome in the next decade of my life!

2021…the year we got engaged! Rob and I had been together 10 months when we got engaged in February 2021. Living with my best friend and knowing him since I was 12 had been amazing but to be asked to become his wife was the most amazing thing in the whole world. We spent much of 2021 planning our wedding.

2021…the year I had a hen do (or 2!)! I had 2 hen do’s in 2021, one with my parents, brothers, sister in law, niece and nephew and one that my maid of honour organised for me. I got taken out for afternoon tea at the Celtic Manor by my family where we had sandwiches and cakes served on tiered trays which was served with a choice of several fruit teas (I chose strawberries and cream – very tasty!). It was lovely to spend time with my family, especially my brother, his wife and my niece and nephew who we don’t get to see very often. My maid of honour arranged a festival themed hen do at my house which was so good! We had so much fun, dancing, singing, party games and different cocktails! There will be a post about these coming up soon!!!!

2021…the year I turned a hobby into a business. I’m a qualified nail technician and have been doing my own nails for years, though the bit I really enjoy is the designs! I have been designing my own press on nails and after so many compliments and people asking me where they were from or who did them for me I took a bit of a leap into starting up my own press on nail business late into 2021. I’ve had a few customers so far and am pretty pleased with how things are developing and I have so many ideas for new designs! If you are interested, you can check out my nails on my nail Instagram.

2021…the year I went from Miss to Mrs! We set the date for our wedding and decided on 3rd August 2021. The date is special in my family, its my Mum and Dads Wedding date, my Aunt and Uncle’s wedding date and my Aunt’s Birthday too so there is a bit of a tradition there! The day went far too fast for us but we have tons of photos and some amazing memories of the day that will be shared soon!!!

What are some of your highlights of 2021? I’d love to hear all about them so let me know in the comments!

A Return to Blogging?

11th Jan 202211th Jan 2022 | Suzi Tench

Firstly… Happy New Year to you all! I know I’m a *bit* late with it, so apologies for that! How was everyone’s 2021? Mine was crazy and I have so much to share with you all in the next few weeks! And, yes, I said in the next few weeks which means I am planning blog content and returning to blogging after being gone for nearly a year!

what has bought about this change? Well, when the pandemic hit and we were going in and out of lockdowns, the rules changing all the time along with flexible working from home, as well as some personal stuff, blogging started to get a bit too much for me. In all honesty, I felt mentally drained a lot of the time. Everything is still changing and we don’t know what is happening from one day to the next regarding restrictions and rules but I’m getting used to it now and things seem to be easier to handle, my routine is more settled and I’m feeling less exhausted and seem to have a bit more time available to me. I’ve missed writing blogs and all the other bits that come along with it, especially interacting with you guys! I have been sneak reading your blogs too…keeping up with what you have been writing but I really miss the social side to blogging!

While I stepped away from the blog, I didn’t stop writing completely…. I have been writing articles for an online magazine called The Everyday Magazine (click the link and it should take you to the articles I have written!). I have also been writing a mental health blog for work (on our intranet site).

With all of this writing I have been doing away from the blog, it has made me realise just how much I love writing and blogging so this year I’m going to try and write more posts. I am not sure whether to return to the blogging format I have been so used to in the past or whether this blog will change and become something else in the future, for now though I am going to be sharing things that have happened in 2021, some posts about lifestyle, the house and some general ramblings about my life!

I hope you have all had a fab Christmas and New Year! Let me know how you spent the holidays and if you have any resolutions for this year in the comments! I’ve not made any (yet) but Id love to hear yours!