As many of you know, I got married in August 2021, and I honestly thought that all of my dreams had come true. How very wrong I was.

Over the short time we were married, his moods got worse and worse, he got more and more angry at me, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time. He spent so much time drinking, over 20 cans of Thatchers a day, often missing work because he was “sick”, eating an incredible amount of takeaways (family-sized kebabs, smothered in garlic sauce and cheese, or 2 huge pizzas) pretty much daily. He did next to nothing around the house, no cleaning, tidying or anything. According to him, housework was a “Pink job” and was well and truly below him. He sat on the sofa stuffing his fat face with whatever he could eat, littering the house with rubbish and stuff and things that he never used yet wouldn’t put away or tidy up.

His attitude towards me got worse and worse, and after an argument on 26th January 2025, where I stood up for myself (after he had text me about shoving “shit” on his side of the bed, which was HIS clothes that I had washed, dried and folded up for him to put away), he launched himself at me, pinned me to the bed and tried to strangle me. He used his full weight (23 stone of it) to stop me from moving, and pressed his forearm into my neck so hard I couldn’t breathe. It was the most frightening thing I have ever been subjected to. I managed to get him off of me by biting him on the nose.

There was never any apology for what he had done to me; he just went to bed after he had assaulted me.

I didn’t tell anyone what had happened to me. He was living in my house, refusing to leave, and I was already scared of him. I shut down, stayed up late most nights and slept on the sofa to avoid being in the same space as him.

In May 2025, I bought a van from a friend and found some land to rent. This was my plan. The van needed some work done on it. I was going to sell my car to fund the repairs, then, when he was out, I was going to load the van with some clothes, food and my dog and leave. I’d stay in my van and then try to sort everything out. That plan didn’t happen, the van needed more work done to it than I realised, but I knew I couldn’t stay somewhere that was getting more and more unsafe for me.

With the help of friends, I went on the run, staying on campsites, in bunkhouses and cheap hotels. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I wasn’t going to go back to him. I started talking about what had happened to me to my friends, and one advised me to call the housing association that the house was with to see what they could suggest. I spoke to a lady who told me to register as homeless, after she had listened to me and what had happened. I was in the queue waiting to register when she rang me back, and I honestly owe the lady I spoke to so much; she had listened to me and then decided to do some investigations of her own. She told me that the house was in my name alone, and he should not be staying there, let alone refusing to leave, and was, in her opinion, “squatting”. She said she had spoken to the police, who confirmed that he was squatting and had no right to be at my property. Between them (the police and the housing association), they had planned on attending the property, evicting him and changing the locks. I was told to go to a safe place and await their call.

A few hours later, I was met by one of the housing association staff, the one I had spoken to on the phone earlier, and was handed a new set of keys to my property. She said that my dog was ok (I’d had to leave her when I was travelling. That was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do), and that someone would be coming around later to install CCTV and tamper alarms for me to start helping me feel safer in my own home.

My friend came back with me to the house. I unlocked the door and was greeted by Roxy. I was so happy to be home and so relieved that it was all over that I cried. Then I looked around….

All my things had been packed into boxes, and there was so much rubbish and dirt everywhere, and the house stank. It was so grim. I didn’t know where to start or what to do. With my friends’ help, we made a start on clearing space and cleaning.

I wish this were the end of everything that he put me through, but there is more, quite a lot more, and I shall share the rest in another blog post soon.

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